A Guide For Sufferers and Carers
Chapter 10 – Thoughts That Turn Against You
One of the most difficult aspects of depression is not only how you feel, but how you think.
Your own mind, which once may have felt like a place of reflection, creativity, or problem-solving, can begin to feel like an adversary. Thoughts arise that are harsh, critical, and often relentless. They do not simply pass through. They linger, repeat, and shape how you see yourself and the world.
These thoughts can feel convincing.
They do not always present themselves as opinions or interpretations. Often, they feel like facts. Statements about who you are, what you are worth, and what your future holds. And because they come from within your own mind, they can carry a particular weight.
It can be difficult to question something that feels so internal and so certain.
One of the most common patterns in depression is self-criticism, in extremes, that can turn into self-loathing..
You may notice a voice that points out your perceived failures, your shortcomings, or your mistakes. It may compare you unfavourably to others, or to a version of yourself that you feel you should be.
- “You should be doing better.”
- “Other people manage this. Why can’t you?”
- “You have wasted your time.”
This voice can be persistent. It may focus on small details and expand them into larger judgements. A minor mistake becomes evidence of inadequacy. A difficult day becomes proof that you are incapable.
Over time, this pattern can shape how you see yourself.
Instead of recognising effort, you may only see what was not done. Instead of acknowledging difficulty, you may interpret it as weakness. The tone is often unforgiving, leaving little room for nuance or compassion.
Alongside self-criticism, there is often a sense of hopelessness.
Thoughts about the future may become narrow and negative. You may find it difficult to imagine things improving. Even when you try to think ahead, your mind may default to expecting the same struggles to continue.
- “This is how it will always be.”
- “Nothing is going to change.”
- “What is the point?”
These thoughts can reduce motivation. If the future appears fixed and unchangeable, it becomes harder to take action in the present. Why try, if the outcome feels predetermined?
This sense of hopelessness is not a reflection of reality, but it can feel like one.
It is shaped by the current state of your mind, which is filtering possibilities through a lens of low mood and reduced expectation. Basically, your mind is lying to you.
Another common pattern is catastrophising.
This involves imagining the worst possible outcome and treating it as likely or inevitable. A small concern can quickly escalate into a much larger fear.
- A delayed reply becomes a sign that something is wrong.
- A minor mistake becomes a potential disaster.
- An uncertain situation becomes something that will end badly.
The mind moves quickly, filling in gaps with negative assumptions. These scenarios can feel vivid and immediate, even when there is little evidence to support them.
Catastrophising often increases anxiety, which in turn feeds back into depression. The world begins to feel less predictable, more threatening, and harder to navigate.
There are other patterns as well.
All-or-nothing thinking, where situations are seen in extremes. Something is either a complete success or a complete failure, with little space in between.
Discounting the positive, where achievements or good moments are dismissed or minimised. You may tell yourself that something “does not count” or “was not enough.”
Mind reading, where you assume you know what others are thinking, often in a negative way.
Each of these patterns has one thing in common.
They shape your experience, often without you realising it.
The thoughts feel automatic. They arise quickly, and by the time you notice them, they may already have influenced how you feel. This can create a sense of being controlled by your own thinking.
However, there is an important distinction to be made.
A thought is not the same as a fact.
This may sound simple, but in the context of depression, it can be difficult to hold onto. Thoughts can feel true, particularly when they are repeated often. But they are still mental events, not objective realities.
Learning to recognise this distinction is a gradual process.
It begins with noticing.
You might start to become aware of certain phrases or patterns that recur. A familiar critical voice. A recurring worry. A tendency to expect the worst. These patterns, once noticed, become easier to identify.
- “This is that critical thought again.”
- “This is me expecting the worst.”
This does not make the thought disappear, but it changes your relationship to it.
You are no longer fully inside the thought. You are observing it.
From this position, there is a little more space.
Space to question, if that feels possible.
- “What evidence do I have for this?”
- “Is there another way of looking at this?”
You do not need to force yourself to believe a positive alternative. The aim is not to replace one extreme with another, but to introduce some flexibility.
- For example, instead of “I always fail,” you might consider, “I am struggling right now.”
- Instead of “Nothing will change,” you might consider, “I cannot see change at the moment.”
These shifts are subtle, but they reduce the intensity of the thought.
Another approach is to focus less on the content of the thought and more on how you respond to it.
If a thought arises that is critical or hopeless, you might acknowledge it without engaging fully.
“I notice that I am having this thought.”
This creates a small distance. It allows the thought to be present without giving it complete authority.
You might imagine the thought as something passing through, rather than something you must act upon. It may return, and that is all right. Each time, you can repeat the process of noticing and allowing.
This is not about controlling your mind. It is about changing how much influence certain thoughts have over you.
Self-compassion also plays a role here. The tone of many depressive thoughts is harsh. Introducing a different tone, even briefly, can begin to counterbalance that.
If a friend spoke about themselves in the way you sometimes think about yourself, how might you respond? You might offer understanding. You might recognise the difficulty of their situation. You might speak with patience rather than judgement. Extending even a small amount of that tone towards yourself can make a difference.
Not as a way of denying reality, but as a way of relating to it more gently. It is important to recognise that these patterns of thinking are not chosen. They develop over time, influenced by experience, mood, and habit. In depression, they become more pronounced, more frequent, and more convincing.
This is why they can feel so powerful.
But power does not mean permanence.
Thought patterns can change, gradually. Not through force, but through repeated moments of awareness, small shifts in perspective, and a growing ability to step back from what the mind presents.
There will be times when these thoughts feel overwhelming. Moments when they seem to fill all available space. In those moments, the goal is not to analyse or challenge every thought. It may simply be to get through.
- To focus on something immediate.
- To return to the present moment.
- To allow the thoughts to be there without trying to resolve them all at once.
Over time, as you continue to notice and gently respond, the relationship with your thoughts can begin to change.
They may still arise, but they may feel less absolute. Less defining. Less in control.
You are not your thoughts.
Even when they are loud, persistent, and convincing, they are only one part of your experience.
And learning to see them as such is a quiet but important step towards a little more space, a little more clarity, and a little less weight in the mind that has been carrying so much.
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© Richard J Kirk – 2026. If you want to know more, see: About Me…
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Great post, you very eloquently explain almost exactly what my brain puts me through on a daily basis. Your advice of putting space between yourself and your thoughts is great, much easier said than done though!