What’s something most people don’t understand?

Calculus: The Great Betrayal

Oh, Calculus, you gave me pain,

Derivatives fried my poor brain.

Integrals made me want to cry,

Yet here I stand—please tell me why?

You swore you’d help me every day,

In useful, math-y, grown-up ways.

But in the end, amidst my strife,

I’ve never once derived my life!

I don’t take limits as I shop,

Or find the slope of a soda pop.

The tangent of my coffee’s steam?

A pointless, nerdy, wasted dream!

No integrals help clean my floors,

Or calculate my grocery scores.

And when I tip a dinner bill,

I just use multiplication still!

So tell me, Newton, what’s the deal?

Your maths was cool, but let’s be real,

Unless I build a NASA ship,

I’ll just let calculus take a dip!

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© Richard J Kirk, writing as Joseph R Mason – 2025. If you want to know why, see: https://josephmasonauthor.com/about/

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