Tag: divorce

D.I.V.O.R.C.E.

On By Joseph R. MasonIn Christian Perspectives

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DIVORCE, WHAT THE BIBLE HAS TO SAY….

There is a word never spoken in church. a word never preached on, not discussed at bible studies and not even prayed over at prayer meetings. A word so terrible that we spell it out rather than say it out loud. D.I.V.O.R.C.E. At least, when Tammy Wynette sung that terrible (my opinion, and not necessarily yours), terrible song in1968 (and yes, I am old enough to remember it), she spelt it out rather than say it out loud so as not to upset 4-year-old little Joe.

It’s the same in Church, nobody mentions the “D” word! Let’s face it, when did you last hear Matthew 5:31 preached on? “It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.’ 32 But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery”. I have heard the Sermon on the Mount from which this is taken preached on so many times, but the preacher neatly skips over these 2 verses and carries on regardless. So let’s work through a few of the subjects in the famous sermon.
The Beatitudes – Easy one that
Salt and Light – Oh yes, just give a few good examples
Fulfillment of the Law – Simple, just confuse them with a bit of theology
Murder – Should be safe, none in the cburch that I know of.
Adultery – Again, should be a safe one, after all, no one’s going to put their hand up.
Divorce – Better miss that one, might upset 20% of the congregation, can’t have them all walking out, the treasurer wouldn’t like it. Anyway, it’s not important
Oaths – Simple

Eye for an Eye – Simple

Love for Enemies – Easy one for a good preach.

…..and so on, but……Jesus says about divorce twice in Matthew and again in Mark, so it might be important!
Jesus actually said these things twice, in Matthew 19:8 Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. 9 I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery”.

Mark 10: 6-12 “But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.’[a]7 ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife,[b] 8 and the two will become one flesh.’[c] So they are no longer two, but one flesh. 9 Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” 10 When they were in the house again, the disciples asked Jesus about this.11 He answered, “Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. 12 And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery”.

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Now this is all very difficult stuff to read, especially if you are divorced. In the USA one in four “Christian” marriages end in divorce. Figures for the UK are not available, but I am sure they will also paint a sorry picture.

Oh, but we can justify divorce because it was permitted by Moses. But Jesus said, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning.”

One important fact that we have to say very clearly is: “God loves divorced people” He loves them just the same as married people, single people, people living with partners, widows and widowers. That doesn’t mean that he loves divorce. He hates divorce, but he still loves the people involved. He hates adultery, but still loves the people involved.

The problem today is many have an easy, no blame, cast aside view of marriage. People say their vows before God with their fingers crossed behind their backs. There is no commitment, marriage is a bed of roses, fragrant flowers and sharp thorns together. You have to work at a marriage, there has to be an attitude of give and take not just take. If you are finding marriage a struggle, try putting down your mobile, looking away from FaceBook, come off Twitter, close your laptop and look your partner in the eyes and talk. Give them some undivided attention. Do it every day, several times a day. Ask about them, don’t just talk about “me”. You may think that sounds too simplistic, well it isn’t. What most marriages lack today is “us time”. “Us time” is where you turn off the TV, silence the mobile, ignore the telephone and just enjoy each others company. I have spoken to many struggling people, and often when the three of us sit down to talk about their marriage, that is the first time for years that they have sat down together and talked in an open and frank way to each other. Most people don’t need a counsellor, they just need space and time to get to know each other. I was going to put “get to know each other again”, but for some, even after years of marriage, it might be getting to know them for the first time properly. Discuss their hopes and fears, not yours, talk over their perceived problems, not yours. Often you may start a sentence with “But I thought you liked it when I…..” or “I thought you enjoyed going to…….” Don’t think about what you think your partner wants or wishes. Ask them. Don’t assume you know anything, enquire about everything.

If you can pray together without embarrassment, then pray together and for each other. Don’t use prayer time to drop little bombshells or have little digs, you will not be blessed and it won’t help your healing. If you can’t pray together, make sure you pray for each other earnestly. Lay out before God what is wrong. Confess to him what you are doing wrong and seek forgiveness. Do not tell God what is wrong with your husband or wife, he can hear that from them. (He actually knows already). If you are going to have that long awaited talk with your wife or husband, pray first that you will be guided and prompted by the Holy Spirit.

Don’t end a marriage, mend a marriage.

May God bless you for reading this missive.

New International Version (NIV)

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Marriage – An institution?

On By Joseph R. MasonIn Christian Perspectives, Musings1 Comment

Wedding Proposal

Marriage is often described as an institution, even a great institution, ordained by God. Poppycock. An institution is somewhere they send you once the straight jacket is on. That statement itself might strike a chord with some, especially the straight jacket bit, as that is how many people view marriage. As soon as they get that ring on your finger, they’ll have you in a straight jacket, you son’s be able to move without permission.

Well I have news, marriage is not an institution, it is a relationship. Admittedly, it not always easy, sometimes it needs working at, often it is quite difficult. But at the end of the day, it is a relationship. It is not a place for control, ego or selfishness, especially if a Christian marriage, it is not even about give and take. It is about give, give and give some more.

But, what does the bible have to say on the subject?

Paul, in his first letter to the Corinthians (chapter 7) starts us off well by saying: “A man does well not to marry.” and some would agree, but he was not saying it for that reason. He believed that Christ should be central to our being and that marriage might be a diversion. He went on to say in the next few verses “2 But because there is so much immorality, every man should have his own wife, and every woman should have her own husband. 3 A man should fulfil his duty as a husband, and a woman should fulfil her duty as a wife, and each should satisfy the other’s needs. 4 A wife is not the master of her own body, but her husband is; in the same way a husband is not the master of his own body, but his wife is.” – Men, please take note of the second part of the last verse!

Now there are some interesting statements which show relationship. Firstly, every one should have their own spouse and not someone else’s. But more interesting is the equality that Paul suggests in the following verses, no suggestion of the man lauding it over the woman, or vice versa I might add. Men often seem to cling on to the “head of the household” notion when they talk of marriage. But Paul is not suggesting this. Even in his letter to the Ephesians where there is the much misquoted verses 22Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Saviour. The word “submit” is not there in the original Greek. As for being head of the wife as Christ is head of the Church, that too is misread to man’s advantage. We omit the next bit! 25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. Read and reflect. Love your wife as Christ loved you, and that meant dying for you. Would you lay down your life for your wife? Note however, the favour is not returned, no where does it say wives love your husbands enough to die for them. Later in the same section we get 33However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. Again the emphasis is on the husband doing the running and doing the loving, what do we get in return? Respect!

Christ is God, God is Spirit, in heaven there is no pecking order, God is not in charge of Jesus, the Holy Spirit is not the third part of the trinity in rank. God the father is not Colonel in chief and Christ his lieutenant. They are in an equal relationship because there is only one God. Jesus does not have his own agenda, the Spirit does not go and do his or her own thing, they are one and the same and beyond our comprehension. This is how it should be in marriage, the bible says that when a man marries a woman they also become one. Equal partners? No, not at all, a partnership is still made up of more than one, The Trinity is not a partnership. Marriage is not a partnership. It is a however a relationship where each delight in the other person. Expectancy rather than expectations, which is different from expecting something from the other. God does not have any expectations from us, only the excitement of expectancy. Marriage is very much like our relationship with God. We are often told to put God first, above all other things. Well I do not believe that is the way our Father sees it at all. God wants to be at the centre of our lives, not on top of us like a big boss, remote and frightening. He does not want to be the first amongst a list of values, but the centre of everything. It is the same with a marriage. It should be a central facet of our joint existence, not a hierarchical system. Then it will work.

But what if it doesn’t?

Paul says, “10 For married people I have a command which is not my own but the Lord’s: a wife must not leave her husband; 11 but if she does, she must remain single or else be reconciled to her husband; and a husband must not divorce his wife.” (Corinthians 7:10,11: see also Matthew 5:32 ; 19:9 ; Mark 10:11 , 12 ; Luke 16:18 .)

Jesus is especially blunt on the subject in Mark Ch10, where he says “He said to them, “A man who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against his wife. 12 In the same way, a woman who divorces her husband and marries another man commits adultery.”” Now there is a couple of verses and a subject you don’t hear preached on. But that might be a subject for another time……

Remember: 21Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Ephesians 5:21